Subscribe Feed (RSS)Help for Social Anxiety
February 16th, 2009 by admin | Filed under Uncategorized.What is Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety manifests in a lot of different ways. You may be shy with new people, but fine with old friends. You may do well at work, but dread parties. You may not even identify your anxiety as social. It may just feel like “free floating anxiety.” But you notice that it feels better when you are alone or with someone you feel close to. In some cases, the anxiety can become so intense that it causes panic attacks. People with severe or chronic symptoms may be diagnosed with Social Phobia or Avoidant Personality Disorder. However, the majority of people with social anxiety have distress that, while uncomfortable, is not that severe.
Social Anxiety at Work
Social Anxiety can limit your ability to be successful at work. This is especially true in careers that require giving presentations or “selling yourself.” And getting a job can be particularly painful because of the interview process.
Social Anxiety and Romance
Dating and social situations are another area that can cause great discomfort for those with social anxiety. The fear of looking silly, dumb, embarrassed or boring can makes shy people very uncomfortable. When other people sense that discomfort, they back away - reinforcing whatever negative beliefs the shy person has about him/herself.
Social Anxiety and Addiction
A large percentage of people struggling with addictions have social anxiety as an underlying issue. Often, the drinking or drug use begins as a way to feel more relaxed in social situations. And then, because it works, people continue using substances to cope with the anxiety. After a while, addiction takes hold, and the problem becomes recovery. So many recovering alcoholics and addicts find that once they are sober, “all these feelings” come up. And they don’t know how to manage them.
A lot of addictions are hidden. Some people eat compulsively to numb their anxiety. Some spend hours watching TV or playing computer games. Some people work excessively. Others exercise fanatically. These are not true addictions in that there is no physiological dependence on a substance. But the behaviors still serve to distract and numb anxiety as well as to avoid situations which may heighten discomfort.
Social Anxiety and Depression
People with social anxiety often avoid situations that are uncomfortable. As a result, they may feel lonely, inadequate or like they are failing to reach their goals. When these feelings accumulate over time, depression and low self-esteem can result.
What causes social anxiety?
Research tells us that social anxiety runs in families and may have a biological component. Most clients I work with describe having one or both parents who are overly critical, judgmental or perfectionistic. It appears that as children, we internalize our parents’ judgment and then try to hide or compensate for the traits we perceive as “flawed.”
How is Social Anxiety Treated?
In some cases, social anxiety is treated with anti-anxiety medication. Most mental health professionals agree that the most effective treatment is a combination of medication and psychotherapy. For people with milder symptoms or people who are sensitive to medication, psychotherapy alone can be very effective.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is the treatment of choice for most anxiety disorders, and is very effective with social anxiety. This type of therapy involves identifying incorrect thoughts that lead to anxiety. For example, you may notice that you tell yourself things like, “Uh oh! I don’t know anyone here. I can’t just go up to people and start talking. They’ll think I’m weird. They’ll see how nervous I am…” Just having these thoughts is enough to make you sweat!
With a therapist’s help, you learn to examine these thoughts and evaluate their accuracy. You replace them with more realistic thoughts like, “I may not know anyone here, but I can have a good time anyway. There are probably other people here who feel shy and could use someone kind to talk to. I can listen in on different conversations and see if any of them are interesting. If I feel comfortable, I can introduce myself to someone and ask them some questions about themselves…”
Other forms of therapy that are helpful include Somatic therapy - which helps develop awareness and control of the physical symptoms that occur with anxiety - and Self-Psychology in which you gain greater compassion and self-acceptance as your needs, feelings and personality traits are explored and understood. Social anxiety treatment has a very high success rate, so don’t hesitate to find an experienced therapist who can help.
Julie Levin is a Marriage and Family Therapist with a practice in Pleasant Hill, CA (near San Francisco). She specializes in the treatment of anxiety and the behaviors that result - like overeating, drug or alcohol abuse, over spending or hoarding/clutter. Julie also offers therapy by phone or web-based videoconferencing. She can be reached at 925-518-4072 or julielevin.com julielevin.com.
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